アサーティブコミュニケーション【親しい人との関わり方】

親しい人だからこそ言いづらい

毎日会う、同僚や友人、仕事関係で親しくしている人。など、これを言ったら関係が壊れるのではないか、明日会いづらいなど思うこともあるかと思います。

よく知っている人にいいづらいのは、相手の反応が想像できるから「こんなこと言ったら、きっと怒る。「嫌われるかも」

でも仕事を前に進めるために必要なことは、キチンというべき。相手にプラスになることなら伝えてあげるべきです。

言いにくいと思うと、話が回りくどくなってしまいがち。でもよく知っている人だからこそ、アサーティブに。

アサーティブで伝えるポイント3つ

  • 事実ベースで伝えること
  • 相手メリットで、こちらも歩み寄りを示すこと
  • 相手の話もちゃんと聞くこと

「一体どうなってる?」と相手を追い詰めてもいいことはありません。「いつ仕上げる?」「どう思う?」と投げかけて、相手の事情や言い分にも耳を傾けることが大切です。

付き合いの長い、短い、深い浅いにかかわらず、大事な相手の話は良い、悪いなどの評価は行わずにニュートラルに、本気で聞きましょう。

言うデメリット、言わないデメリットを考える

今、ここで、私が、この人に、これを「言うデメリット」「言わないデメリット」の両方を天秤にかけて、言う・言わないを自分で判断すれば、どちらを選んでもモヤモヤ感はそれほど残らないはずです。

一度冷静になり、考えてから判断することをお勧めします。

言った場合と、言わない場合の相手の反応と、自分の気持ちの両方を考え、どちらが「winwin」になるか、ご自身で判断してください。

「NO」と断るときはきっぱりと

日本人は特に親しい人に対して「NO」と言えない特徴があります。「NO」と言うと嫌われるのではないか、もう頼んでくれないのではないか。と考えてしまうからです。でも「NO」と断らずに、苦しい思いをするのはあなたです。

嫌な行為や無理と思うことに対しては、キッパリとNOと言いましょう。あの人は「NO」と言わないからと思われて、嫌な行為が増える危険もあります。

あの人に頼めば断れない。と思われ、何でもかんでも頼まれて、あなたが苦しい思いをすることになります。そうすれば、もちろん「winwin」の関係でもありません。

「NO」と断るときのポイント

  • 次につながるようなメッセージも付け加えて断る
  • 怒ったように言うのではなく、大きい声で清々しく断る
  • 嫌だと思ったら時間を空けずに、すぐに断る
  • 大勢の前ではなるべく避けて断る

「今日は手いっぱいですので無理です。明日の午前中なら仕上げられます。間に合いませんか?」 等、次につながるメッセージも付け加えて伝えれば、ちゃんと理解してもらえます 。

嫌だと思ったら、時間を空けずに断るのもポイントです。時間を空けてしまえば、断りずらくなったり、相手もやってくれるもと思い、ますます断りにくくなります。断るのは、早い方があなたも相手も「winwin」になることができます。

また、大勢の前で、相手を指摘するような断り方は、相手のプライドを傷つけることになります。断るときは、大勢の前は避けて断ることをお勧めします。

まとめ

親しい人に、注意しづらい、断りにくいと言うことは、当然です。ただ、言いにくいからと言って、そのまま、言わないでおくと、あなたばかり我慢することになり、不満がたまってしまいます。

言いづらいことを言うときは、言った方がいいか、言わない方がいいか、冷静に一歩立ち止まって考え、どちらが「winwin」の関係になれるか考えてから判断します。

たとえ、「NO」と断ることを選択したとしても、次につながるようなメッセージを付け加えて、清々しく断れば、相手も理解してくれるはずです。

言いたいことは、きちんと伝え、お互い不満がなく、「winwin」の関係が築けるように、アサーティブに関わっていきましょう。

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