アサーティブコミュニケーション【アサーティブって何?】

「アサーティブ」って何?

  • したいこと、したいと言う
  • してほしいことを、してほしいと言う
  • できないことは、できないと言う
  • やめてほしいことは、やめてほしいと言う

簡単なようだけど、出来ていない人が多いのではないでしょうか?

特に日本人は、相手の表情や一言から、その人がしてほしいことや考えていることを「察する」という文化があります。それはそれで、私たち日本人のいいところではあるのですが、一言だけでは伝わらなかったり、相手の気持ちを察していたつもりが、勘違いだったり。良かれと思ってしたことが、相手にとってみれば、お節介だったり。

きちんと伝えていないことでの、気持ちのすれ違いにより、相手との良好な関係が築けないこともあります。

アサーティブとは、 伝えたい相手にしっかり届く、「自己主張」の技術 です。

すべての基本は本気の相手と自分の「wiwin」を目指します。

「win win 」の関係になるために

伝えたいメッセージを届けるには、「聞いてもらえる」話にすることが大切です。

相手にとって耳の痛い話でも、目線を変え、ひと手間かけて伝え方を工夫すれば、ちゃんと聞いてもらえます。

聞いてもらうには、まず相手の話を聞く

例えば、ミスが起こった時、上司は「どうしてこんなこともできないんだ」とミスをした人を責める会話をするのではなく、「どうしたら、こうゆうミスをなくせると思う?」というように部下に聞きます。

できない理由より、どうすれば「できる」ようになるかを考える会話にすることがポイントです。

こう聞かれたら「こうすればミスをなくせると思う」という前向きな話ができます。

部下にとってもミスが減れば、仕事での評価も上がります。上司にとっては、自分の部下のミスが減り、仕事がスムーズに進められれば、上司の評価も上がります。どちらにもメリットがあり、両者が「winwin」の関係になれる。これが、伝えたいメッセージをちゃんと聞いてもらえる、アサーティブコミュニケーションです。

話を聞いてもらいたいなら、相手の話を本気で聞きましょう。

経験豊富な上司は、ミスをなくす方法をたくさん持っていると思います。でも、相手の話をちゃんと聞かなければ、的確なアドバイスはできません。

部下にとってメリットがない話であれば、ただお説教を言われていると感じてしまいます。なので部下は「わかりました。」と話を終わらせるために、簡単な返事をします。上司はそれを聞いて、自分のメッセージが伝わったという実感が持てない。なので、ますます話が長くなり、ますます聞いてもらえなくなります。

ですので、 上司は相手の話をよく聞き、部下にとってベストな方法を提示します。 自分の考えも大事にし、同じように相手の考えも大事にし、自分にも相手にもメリットがある、本気の「winwin」を目指します。

「言う」「伝える」の前にちゃんと「感じて」いますか?

  • 自分の本心をちゃんと受け止めていますか?
  • 最近の出来事で嬉しかったこと3つ、ガッカリしたこと3つ挙げられますか?

スキルと感情は、いわば車の両輪。どちらかに偏ってしまうと伝わりません。

「言う」「伝える」の前に、きちんと自分の感情を受け止めることが必要です。自分がどう感じているか、どうしたと思っているのか、わからなければ、相手に「言ったり」「伝えたり」することはできません。

「メッセージを届けるための3つの条件」

  • 「伝えたいこと」がある
  • それを伝える「意欲」がある
  • 上手に伝える「スキル」がある(次回に記事に載せていきます)

伝えることが曖昧なままでは、相手も受け止めようがありません。

  • 「どうせ伝わらない」
  • 「わかってもらえるはずがない」
  • 「言っても無駄」

と思っていれば、それは表情にも言葉にも表れてしまいます。

スキルを磨く前に

「何を」「誰に」「なぜ」伝えたいのか、自分の本心に耳を傾けてみてください。

まとめ

コミュニケーションスキルは、誰でも何歳からでも伸ばすことができます。アサーティブコミュニケーションを知ることで、苦手だと感じている相手や初対面の人と話すときに、「伝えたいことが伝えらえる」ようになります。

詳しい実践内容は、次回の記事に載せていきますので、またご覧ください。

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