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職場での人間関係づくりの3ステップ

自分自身を知る

あなたはどんな人

“あなたはどんな人？”と聞かれると、困ってしまう事ありませんか？ “私ってどんな人間？”と考えると、なかなかすぐに答えられないかと思います。

仕事や家庭、友人同士、親として、妻や夫として、子供としてのあなた等、様々な“あなた”が存在しています。それぞれの場面によって、話し方や対応の仕方など変化させていたりすることもありますよね。

一方で、考えや内面にある気持ち、心の持ちようなど、変化しないものもあります。 自分の事なのですが、自分の全てを理解するほど難しいこともありません。

自分を知っている

「人間関係づくり」を考えた時に、“自分を知っている”ことが大切なポイントになってきます。 自分の行動の特徴を知っていると、状況に応じて自分の行動の仕方を変えていくことができるようになります。

例えば、自分は“人見知りだ”ということを知っていると、それを変えようする行動を起こせるからです。“人見知り”という自分を知らなければ、そのまま変化することはありません。このように自分を知っているという事は、「人間関係づくり」をする上で、欠かすことのできないものなのです。

そのためには、“自分自身を知る”という事が必要になってきます。

“自分を知る”気づきのワーク

大きめの白い紙を用意して、中心に「私」と書いて○で囲みます。 その周りに、言葉を散りばめます。私という文字に近い方が、その言葉が自分自身を表現するのにしっくりくる言葉です。「私」という文字からの距離を考えながら、思いつく言葉を全て散りばめていきます。

言葉とは 「共感的、冷静、聞き上手、話し上手、楽天的、悲観的、自信がある、自信がない、優柔不断、慎重、マイぺース、自分中心、決断力がある、即決するタイプ、他人が気になる、遠慮、素直、明るい、暗い 計画的、行き当たりばったり」等です。

自分を受け入れる

そこには良い、悪いの判断や評価をせずに、素直に思いつくままに、書いてみてください。 自分自身のありのままを書き、書いたものを自分自身で受け入れることが大切です。

私は“こういう人間なんだ”と素直に受け入れることが「人間関係のづくり」のスタートになります。

どんな自分になりたいか

そこから、 今の自分はこうだけど、これからは“どんな自分でありたいのか”を考えます。 こうなりたい自分を同じ紙の下の方にでも、忘れないように手帳にでも、箇条書きに書いていきます。

その時の書き方のポイントとしては、「～～になりたい」と書くのではなく、「～～になりました」と完了形で書くことをお勧めします。

他人との違いを理解する

この自分を知るというワークを行ったとき、他の人の紙には、全く違う事が書いてあるかと思います。もし、お互いの紙を共有できるのであれば、見せ合ってみて下さい。

当たり前なのですが、自分と人とは違うのです。

「私はこうやってきたのに、なんでやらないんだ？」「私ならこういうときは、こう対応するといいのに」など、知らず知らずのうちに、自分の考えが一番正しい。自分のやり方が成功する近道だと思い込んでいる方多くないですか？

私とあなたは考え方も全く違います、同じやり方でもないです。でもどちらが正しいかはわからないです。ですので、あなたの基準を押し付けないようにしましょう。

「私はいままでこう考えてやってきた。○○のやり方は違うけど、それもありなのかな。」などと考えます。

人と関わるときに、“自分と人とは違う”ということを常に頭に入れていると、トラブルも少なくなります。

それでも、他の人のやり方が不満のときは「私ならこうするけど、あなたならどうする？」など押し付けにならないように自分の意見を伝えると、ストレスも貯まりにくくなります。

話をきく

人と話をするときに、あなたは話す方が多いですか？聞いている方が多いですか？ 相手は、自分の話をよく聞いてもらうと、理解してもらったと満足するのです。

もし、普段から話す方が多い人は、あなたと会った後、“なんか疲れたな”と感じているかもしれません。

相手との良い人間関係を築くには、まず、相手の話を良く聞くことです。そして、目を合わせ、うなずき、相手が話したことを繰り返し話す。

これはコーチングでも使用されている話を聞くときの手法ですが、オウム返しともいいます。また相手がコーヒーを飲んだら、自分もコーヒーを飲む等、相手と同じ行動をすると、相手は安心します。これはミラーリングとも言われています。

相手に安心感を与え、よく聞いているということを態度で表すことで、相手は気持ちよく話をすることが出来ます。自分の話をよく聞いてくれる相手には、また会いたいと思い、信頼関係も築くことが出来るのです。

まとめ

この、自分を知る、相手との違いを理解する、話を聞く、この3つをするだけで、職場でも、家庭でも良い人間関係づくりができるかと思います。是非試してみて下さい。

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